WHAT FORGIVENESS IS
The first stage of forgiveness is the decision not to try to inflict a reciprocal amount pain on everyone who has caused hurt. When I forgive you, I give up the right to hurt you back.
When I forgive you, I set you free from the little prison I have placed in my mind for holding you captive. I seek to stop entertaining fantasies of vengeance in which you are tortured.
Forgiveness begins when we give up the quest to get even. This is difficult, because getting even is the natural obsession of the wounded soul.
The next stage of forgiveness involves a new way of seeing and feeling. One thing that happens when we get deeply hurt is that as we look at the one who hurt us, we don’t see a person—only the hurt.
If you do not feel ready to forgive at this time, what do you think is holding you back?
When we hold fast to unforgiveness toward another person, we tend to believe only bad things about them. We want to think of them only in terms of the hurt they have caused us. We want to forget their humanity. They are a product of a fallible mother and father; they are lonely or hurting or weak nearsighted—just as you are.
What do you think happened in this persons past that caused them to act that way?
Don’t wait to forgive until you feel like forgiving; you will never get there. Feelings take time to heal after the choice to forgive is made.
This is an act of will—not a feeling.
We CHOOSE to forgive.
Forgiving is not saying, It didn’t really matter; it is not saying, I probably deserved part of it anyway. Forgiveness says, It was wrong, it mattered, and I release you.
Forgiveness does not necessarily remove negative consequences for the one forgiven, nor does it automatically grant trust and reconciliation.
Can we forgive somebody without being able to be around them?
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